its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
