Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
