even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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