can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
