"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
