All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
