for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
