She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
