where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
