He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize