i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
