Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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