either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
