I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
