i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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