i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
