oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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