Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
