dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
