this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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