Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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