At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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