mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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