i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
