The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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