Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
