Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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