you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
