if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
