did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
