Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
