It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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