i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
