why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
