the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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