I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
