I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
