I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize