Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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