return my video game
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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