i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
