someone owes me an orgasm
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
