This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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