my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
