Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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