we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
