If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
