I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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