On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
