well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
