i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
