I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize