You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
