Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
