Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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