Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
