Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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