There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
