So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
