Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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