I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
