woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
