I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
wanna go halves on a baby?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize