we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
