I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
