She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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