You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize