She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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