Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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