did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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