Nicole vs. Life
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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