Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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