I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
