Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
