Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
