I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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