need another drink. this is the easiest way
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
