oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
