textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will be naked everywhere
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
