The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
